Kimajni

  It's not usually easy to tell that you've fallen for someone... until your heart skips a beat the moment you see them, you're out of breath the moment they cross your mind, you can't stop gazing them. Once they're always on your mind, it's the beginning of the end. They will never leave, not anytime soon at least. Although you always had thought that no one would affect you in such way, yet here you are. In complete vulnerability towards that person. No matter how much you try to convince yourself, "They don't like me", "it's not like that", "i don't stand a chance", "why would it ever be me?", "this is a waste of time", "it's too good to be true". Yet you know how it works, the brain and the heart always have to contradict one another. You have your guards up for everyone, except that one person. You can not resist them, the thought of them, their smile, their eyes, you simply can not...

  I don’t know how i want to start writing this but I’ll just give it a go, going through my notes it made me realize how much I’ve endured and how much I’ve grown, how many times I’ve been betrayed and how many times i got back up.. so I’m not stopping now. It’s been almost two months since i moved abroad, I’m living in a whole new world. New cultures, new experiences, new people, new things I’ve never heard of before and actions i never expected.  Over those two months I’ve had the walk through the otherworlds, I was and still am torn apart between heaven and hell.  It all started with a mix of fear, anxiety, excitement, happiness and somehow sadness, two opposites being present simultaneously seems like an impossible thing but i could swear i felt it, i swear i still do.  I am so proud of myself for making it this far, i am so happy and lucky to be here, yet i still can’t feel genuine happiness… why is there always a need for more?  No matter how many people ...